November 16, 2025
Have you ever been scrolling through social media and suddenly felt a sting in your chest after seeing friends hanging out without you? The thought hits instantly:
“Why didn’t they invite me?”
“I guess I’m not really their friend.”
“They don’t like me.”
It’s one of the worst feelings—and it can ruin your mood in seconds.
What you’re experiencing isn’t just emotion. It’s your internal “AI”—Automatic Intelligence—a built-in system your body uses to interpret information and protect you. Unlike artificial intelligence, this internal AI is your biological autopilot: a network of nerves and patterns shaped by your past experiences, memories, fears, definitions, and values.
When something happens—like seeing a post that triggers insecurity—your senses collect data (what you see, hear, touch, etc.) and send it through your internal filter system. That filter then produces automatic thoughts that often feel like facts… even if they aren’t true or helpful.
The problem is that the automatic response isn’t always the smartest, the kindest, or even the most accurate one.
The good news?
You can retrain your internal AI.
With awareness and intentionality, you can interrupt unhelpful thought patterns, reduce anxiety, and respond in healthier ways.
Below are simple, powerful steps for shifting automatic negative thoughts and embracing reality more clearly.
- Identify the Automatic Thought
The first step is awareness. When a strong feeling hits, pause and ask yourself:
“What thought just popped into my mind?”
Say it out loud if you need to. For example:
- “They didn’t invite me… they must not like me.”
- “I’m being left out again.”
- “I did something wrong.”
Naming the thought helps you separate you from the automatic story your brain is generating.
These thoughts often sound like judgments, fears, threats, or beliefs about inadequacy—and if left unchecked, they can distort how you see relationships and interactions.
- Ask: “Is this true? Is this helpful?”
This simple, two-part question interrupts the emotional spiral.
Most automatic thoughts feel believable because they come from old patterns, not current facts.
Try asking:
- Is this thought true?
- Is this thought helpful to me or my relationships?
If the answer to either question is no, that’s a sign your internal AI is using outdated or distorted data. You have the opportunity to choose a more accurate, supportive perspective.
Example:
“Is it true they don’t like me?”
“Is it helpful to assume that?”
Often, the honest answer is no.
- Look for More Helpful Alternatives
When we don’t have full information, the brain fills in the blanks. If you’re not going to ask for clarification, you’re making assumptions—so choose a more realistic or compassionate one.
Instead of thinking,
“They didn’t invite me because they don’t like me,”
try:
“Their plans were about them—not about excluding me.”
Or:
“I don’t know the full story yet.”
“There could be many explanations that have nothing to do with me.”
Your brain will believe whatever story you feed it. Give it one that brings peace instead of pain.
It Takes Practice—but It’s Worth It
These habits don’t change overnight. Your automatic thoughts were learned over years; it will take time to retrain your internal AI to filter information differently.
Working with a therapist can help you identify negative thought patterns, challenge cognitive distortions, and replace them with truth-based, healthy perspectives.
As you build awareness and intentionally shift your interpretations, you’ll begin to notice:
- Less emotional reactivity
- More grounded, confident interactions
- Healthier relationships
- A calmer, more peaceful inner world
You can retrain your internal AI.
And when you do, your life will feel more free, connected, and centered in reality—not fear.
